When my children were babies I look back and I remember how hard I tried to be the "perfect mom". I made sure that the obvious needs were taken care of...that they were fed when they were hungry, they were taken to the doctor for every little thing when they didn't feel good, they were bathed and cleaned always and they were snuggled and loved. I even went the extra mile to make sure their clothes matched, that they were never taken out in public looking like they lived in a barn and I did the little extra things like making sure they had pictures taken at every milestone of their life. Now before you get carried away with thinking that I was a "mother of the year" kind of gal let me make it clear that they didn't always have a hot breakfast (although they did eat something), I didn't always give them my undivided attention and we didn't always say our bedtime prayers.
As my children grew older and went through the stages of toddler, preteen and puberty I still managed to make sure that they had the necessities that they required. As a single mom there wasn't a lot of spoiling, but on occasion when the checkbook would allow it they would get a little treat here and there. I have NEVER been one of those mothers that thought her child had to have a 'grocery toy'....you know one of those little prizes that a child has to have every. single. time. they. go. to. a. store. As they grew older and style began to matter they always had nice clothes (granted they did come from the clearance rack 90% of the time). By then the breakfast thing was a hit or miss kind of thing; it might come in the form of fresh baked cinnamon rolls or it might be a bowl of Fruit Loops, but they were at the age that they had became maintenance free and could fix their own if they needed to. They had their needs met and some of their wants granted, they had a bed to sleep in and a roof over their heads.
Now my children have all left the nest except for the youngest and he graduates this year. I'm pretty much at this point dragging my feet as a mother. I don't know if it's the depression of knowing that soon the nest will be empty and I'm striking in form of protest or if it's just that I am...well to be honest....wore out! At this point my son is lucky if I even remember to tell him to eat and when I do it's usually "hey there's a bottle of chocolate milk, but it has protein" or "how do you feel about leftover pizza?" has even crossed my lips a time or two I have to admit.
I know that I will always be a mother - it will just be in the form from now on of phone calls for advice, visits on weekends or me just missing them and inviting myself over. I find myself already wondering what will I do without ballgames, school functions, doctor appointments and having a child in the same house with me.
I think that all mothers (if we will be honest with ourselves) at different times just get tired of piles of laundry, trying to find what to fix for dinner, making sure everyone's needs are met while our needs get overlooked; and then we fantasize of the day that we can just lay on the couch watching Lifetime movies and eating cookies and actually getting to finish the movie!
This is going to be a huge adjustment for me. I've spent a big portion of my life trying to measure up to the most amazing mom ever title; sometimes I achieved that and sometimes I didn't. I know that I can't dwell on looking back and wishing I had done things differently, because the damage has either already been done or the opportunity to do better has passed. I can look back though and know that even if I failed at times, there are two things that I can be assured of when it comes to my parenting... my children never, ever felt unloved and whatever I did do as a mother, well I must have done something right because all three of those wonderful souls that God blessed me with have turned out to be some pretty amazing humans if I do say so myself.
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