Several years ago I worked with a Chief at the Knox Co Sheriff's Dept. He was one of the wisest people I to this day have ever met. At times he was short and to the point and yet sometimes he turned his thoughts into words that were something that you would carry with you for years to come. I remember one day we were discussing a topic, and although I don't recollect what the conversation was about; something he said has stuck with me for almost 30 years. He made the comment "Words once spoken are like bullets fired - they can never be recalled."
I don't have a lot of talent, but some would say that I have been blessed with a gift of words. At times that is a blessing and at others perhaps a curse. I used to joke and say that I can either make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside or if you push me to the "dark side" I can cut you like a knife with words.
On an occasion from time to time I will have someone tell me "I remember when you told me this and I have never forgotten it." At those moments I hold my breath for a moment and hope that what follows next is that the words were of an encouraging manner more so than a negative aspect. I regretfully have said things to those that I love without thinking and said something hurtful. I am ashamed to say that out of anger with my children over something I have said things that with a broken heart I know made them sad or hurt them. My significant other Patrick can probably attest to the fact that, on more occasions than not, I have been hateful or just down right mean about something. I'm perhaps the worlds worst for not thinking through what the after effects might be before I say something or I don't go by the unnamed rule "count to ten before you speak".
On the exact opposite end of the spectrum from time to time I have given good advice, helpful insight or said just what someone needed to hear. But regardless of scenario I might use as an example it is safe to say that I am quite certain that along the way, whether it be for the better or the worse, I know that some of my words have quite possibly haunted a mind, a heart or a soul long after I have said them.
This week though the shoe was on the other foot. I had something said to me that I have not quite been able to shake. It seems as though the words from this person have repeatedly rang through the sometimes empty hallways of my brain. I was at a local convenient store that I go to quite often. The store switched new ownership a couple years ago and since then I have made it my personal mission to make them have small talk with me when I go in there. FINALLY after several months I got the 2nd shift guy to finally talk back. After my visit though this last time, I'm not sure that by allowing that challenge to become an accomplishment, that I really benefited myself. I didn't realize until that moment that the cliche "silence is golden" really does hold water.
This man (who is from a foreign country) I'm sure didn't mean anything to hurt my feelings or upset me. In fact, I think that he thought he was wording his question how he should. He asked me if I had a sister and when I replied yes, he responded with the question "Is she big like you?" Well now...how do you really take a question like that without knowing instantly that his description of "big" referred to my weight? After all anyone that knows me knows that I quite often when saying I'm 5'3 1/2 emphasize on the "1/2 part" like it makes so much taller than 5'3. Therefore with complete certainty I know the "big" reference had absolutely nothing to do with my height! Those who know me best know that on a daily basis I struggle with a midlife weight gain that probably set some kind of record of the "most weight gained in the shortest period of time."
I cannot for the life of me shake those words and now every time I look at a menu and want to order fries, but I order broccoli instead. While at the moment of the question I literally wanted to crawl under the nearest rack of Frito Lay chips or seek shelter behind the Slim Jim section and then all the way out to my vehicle fought back the tears. That question has now later resulted in fuel to the fire of my desire to lose weight.
I'm sure that had the man known that he drove a stake through my heart that is already overly sensitive about my weight issue that he would have perhaps chosen his words a little differently. Nonetheless the words were said and there was no way of taking them back.
While hurtful as this lesson was, it taught me that choosing the best words is always worth counting to ten before you speak, but most of all it taught me that we take the words that effect us and we can alter the outcome of what those words did to inspire us sometimes to do better or to be a better person.
Hurtful words come in all shapes and sizes. As a speaker we need to learn to word things in a manner that won't cause mental or emotional damage to someone; but as a recipient of those same words it's entirely up to us to use those words as a stumbling block or we can use them as a stepping stone to better ourselves. For me....I won't forget for a very long time those words, and hopefully even longer than that I will always remember the impact that they had and maybe just maybe I will achieve my ultimate goal of being a size 7 again by allowing those words to have a positive influence on me. So if you see me and I'm doing something that will help me achieve this goal that you will know that I'm being encouraged by words that could have destroyed me, but instead made me stronger.
