The past two weekends I have been up at 6:00 a.m the first weekend and 5:45 a.m. the second weekend. You would think that it being Saturday mornings I would grumble and gripe about my day off starting off with me getting up with the chickens - an hour earlier than I get up for work. But those days were spent sitting in the blazing hot sun at a softball field for 13 hours one Saturday and sitting on hard bleachers most of the day looking at the hardwood of a basketball court the other. Again you would think I would complain or fuss about being in those conditions - but I really wouldn't have rather been anywhere else.
As I was on my way to my second job after spending one of these days watching my kids play their sport of choice and was telling someone that I was wore out from being where I was all day. Their response was "that's no body's fault but your own. It's not going to hurt them for you not to be there."
Those words have stuck in my mind ever since then.
Raising kids is very time consuming and it's very expensive - especially if you have one, two or three involved in sports. I know that when people hear the struggles of a single mom and know that their kid plays sports that in their mind the first thing that they think is "well not letting them play would solve some of those problems." But as much as I have done without and as many sacrifices as I have made for them to play it is all worth it to see the happiness that it brings them when they hit a double , score a 3 pointer or achieve the perfect posture in a cheer stunt.
I sit at the ball games and watch these kids that never have a parent there to look up at in the stands when they make those achievements. I listen to kids give me excuses as to why their parents aren't there and all the while I know that their hearts ache for an opportunity to have a parent there to cheer them on. I try to cheer hard for those kids because I know [that although they act like they don't know me sometimes] my kids love to know I'm there to yell at a referee for a bad call or scold them for a bad shot or a swing they shouldn't have taken. Even though I'm not the parent of one of those kids yearning for someone just to notice when they do something good - I know it makes them feel noticed.
Don't get me wrong I know there are some parents who have to work and have no choice but to miss those milestones of their child's life and I know that every chance that they have to be there - they are. What I don't understand is the parent who just chooses not be and has no valid reason for their absence. Even if that particular sport or any sport in general isn't their cup of tea - it's their child playing and doing something that they love.
I have come to realize though that it isn't just the importance of sitting in the stands of a sporting event - it's every event in your child's life that you should want to be a part of. Even if you can't be there - you should have the "want to" to be there. I remember telling my middle daughter one time that I didn't know if I would be at church one particular Sunday and that there would be some Sundays I might not be there for a certain reason. At 17 she had this almost pouty look on her face and said I don't like when you aren't there. I reminded her that doesn't sit with me that she sits with the other youth. Her response was "but I know you are there."
I fall short every day of being a perfect parent. I am too lenient on them when it comes to pulling their load, I don't put my phone down long enough some times to focus on what they are telling me, and I let them down a lot I'm sure. But the one thing I can always do and be good at is being their fan and cheering them on. Whether it's running out a double play, pulling down a rebound or achieving an award at work - I want my kids to know that what they do is important enough for me to support them.
So yes - I spend A LOT of time watching sports in an uncomfortable environment some times, I sit through some long programs at school and I on occasion use my lunch break on the road to spend a few minutes with my eldest for lunch. I do sacrifice a lot to be able to do those things and I go without a lot of things to allow them the opportunity to chase their dreams. But the one thing I never regret giving up is my time. They are almost grown now and these moments will all to soon be a thing of the past. So for now it isn't "no body's fault but my own" - it's a privilege that's all my own.
If you are a parent that misses theses moments and it's not because you can't go, but instead because you don't think it's important - then that is no body's fault but your own.
