Before my children were born I had no idea what love truly was. Then when they placed my first born in my arms my life was forever changed and I was forever changed as a person. It was amazing to me the feelings that rushed through me as I looked at Jessica. It was only intensified with each child that I brought into this world through God's plan for me through her, Kailee and Eli.
As my children have grown older I have learned more and more each day about the unselfishness that comes with parenting and I have also learned through the years that there is NOTHING I wouldn't do for my kids.
I remember thinking the first time that I felt these feelings that the one that surpassed no other was the thought that at that moment "I" was no longer what was important and that my life now consisted of being their guardian and their protector. That everything about me was so insignificant in comparison to what I would do for my children. I have told them so many times and hope that they will never forget that I would die for them in a second and kill for them in a heartbeat.
While "killing" of course would only apply to imminent danger sometimes it's the things that would appear trivial to others that brings out the wrath in a Momma.
I can't count how many times that my heart has ached for one or more of my children as they have dealt with some of life's lessons. Or how many times I have had to control myself when I wanted to string some kid up by their toes when they were causing problems for one of my kids or them being just down right mean to one of them. I have secretly went to teachers, principals and parents in an undercover effort to fix a situation before my child was scarred anymore by some kid's ruthlessness. I have snuck in bathrooms and sent texts trying to get across to someone in a subtle manner what their actions were doing to inflict pain on one of my babies (that's why you always get the cell numbers of anyone that your kid is around - it comes in handy on more than one occasion.) Or I have been known to send out random calls of help to rally up the troops of friends to cheer up one of the kids who are upset. The list could go on and on of how many times I have felt the need to come to the rescue of a child in tears or one that is just to the breaking point.
Do I tell you this to proclaim a victory in the race for mother of the year? No. I tell you this because I am trying to convey just what lengths a mother will go through to protect her children or to make a bad situation better.
Some of these things have been nothing other than some drama between silly girls or perhaps a broken heart at the hands of a significant other. But there are also those times when I felt like it was a mountain that my child was going to have to climb and I needed to procure this wonder woman strength to push them up from the valley that they were in. Regardless of the circumstance I did what I had to do to achieve a smile in a otherwise heart wrenching trial in their life or to give them the confidence that they needed to succeed.
This past weekend one of my kids was away from home and sent me a text that to me was subtle cry for help. I felt so emotionally and physically helpless. All I could do was communicate through technology in an attempt to make them feel better. Although they were being evasive about what was wrong it was the fact that in a world away from me they wanted me to find the words to make them feel better. All I could do was pray that I would say the right words to whatever it was that made their heart heavy. I realized then as a mother how much they depend on me to do the right thing or say the right thing to lift them up and make their world better - where ever that might be.
At that time I realized what they say about a momma bear is oh so true. There is not anything I wouldn't do to protect my babies, whether it's fighting off something or someone that would hurt them, pulling them close to me or just whispering what they need to hear to make them feel secure and happy.
But in my endless pursuit of trying to keep up with anything that could be hurting them either emotionally or physically I realize that I will not always be there and that they have to find the courage within themselves to fight their own battles. However, I can guide them, I can follow them closely, or I can walk beside them and hold their hand - but in the end what is most important is that they know that I will always be there to either prevent their world from falling apart or get down on my knees and help them pick up the pieces if it does crumble down. I think that is one of the things that God expected from me when he entrusted me with these precious gifts that I am so blessed to call my children and I just pray that I will always be able to fulfill that duty.
