Today I had an opportunity to visit with one of my favorite teachers from high school. We were reminiscing a little and then got off on the subject of what kids are like today. I brought up the observation that when I was in high school that we had a smoking porch, the boys had their hunting rifles hanging on a rack in the back window of their pick-up trucks and they carried Case knives which they never hesitated to get out and whittle a little. But yet with all these temptations I can't for the life of me remember drugs being an issue or especially school shootings or stabbings being something that you feared or saw on the news. When I was in high school if you got a paddling it was just that - getting your hind end lit up with a board (sometimes with holes drilled in it to cause more of a stinging effect). It wasn't referred to as "corporal punishment" and a parent didn't have to sign a paper saying "yes you can bust my kid's tail and not be sued." AND the worse part of getting a paddling at school meant when you got home I guarantee you that 98% of those kids were marching down the driveway or across the yard to pick their own hickory, because Momma or Daddy was fixin' to finish what the teacher or principal started.
Very few of us drove a brand new car; instead it was usually a Ford LTD, a Chevy Impala or a Ford pick-up that an older brother, sister or uncle drove. We had our proms at the high school in the gym and decorated with tissue paper flowers and a big ole mirror ball hanging from the beams. My senior year I think it was, we branched out and went to a place called Springbrook Country Club about 30 minutes from the school and half of us didn't know how to act. We certainly didn't rent cabins for the night and stay until the next day. We had about a 1:00 in the morning curfew and you better be sure you met it with about 5 minutes to spare for good measure.
Now on the first day of school you [as a parent or guardian] are sent home handbooks with at the least 23 pages that you have to sign and return to guarantee that your child behaves and that you won't sue the pants off the county if they don't. We sign papers for the school nurse (that WE never had) to be able to simply apply some Neosporin to a cut. And yet with all these precautionary measures that we take as we make these solemn oaths - there are still incidents all through the school year of some bad seed kid going against the grain and doing something that they shouldn't.
Kids come to school dressed in garb that my daddy and momma would've laughed at me for even attempting to walk out the door in it, proceeded by them informing me that no child of theirs would be dressing like a hoodlum or a slut. You see Gothic clothes, low cut shirts, and sagging pants (Oh goodness don't get me started on the pants). Parents say "well I can't stop them - they are not a kid anymore." The heck you can't! Someone has to buy these clothes and someone usually has to launder them....so if you participate in either of those actions - you have no one to blame but yourself that you didn't care enough about your child's appearance to say "Whoa - wait just a minute" before they headed out the door.
I find it ironic that in my time that I had access to a gun every where I went just about, could have bought cigarettes at about any store and had every ample chance to purchase beer from the old man with a bad eye out of the back window of an old store on Highway 411 - but yet I was scared to even think about entertaining the idea of trying something I shouldn't.
I was typical teenager - wreaked havoc on the occasion with my mom (because I would rather cut my nose of my than do what she told me to.) But that entailed not cleaning my bedroom or not getting the ironing done. BUT I also knew deep down that I would have a price to pay. So....eventually...and it didn't take long, I saw the writing on the wall and did what I was supposed to.
Today parents won't discipline their kids with a good ole fashioned razor belt or a hickory from the weeping willow tree. And they sure are going to knock their kid's block off - no matter how disrespectful their lovely fruit of their womb is.
I myself am guilty of not raising my own children in the manner that my mom and dad raised me, my brothers and my sister. I give in to easily, let a smart remark slide from time to time and just do the chore myself for the sake of not listening to them say "But Mom...." And the sad thing about it is that I know that I am doing them more harm than good.
Parents either try to be their child's best friend and look the other way instead of being the enemy and putting their foot down; or they just don't have time to "be a parent".
We wonder why society has turned into what it has. We question - "what went wrong with our children?" The problem is not only the children, it's the parents (myself included) who worry about upsetting our kids, trying to outdo the girl/boy's parents that have a child the same age as our own by buying, buying and buying. A huge majority of us have forgotten that in order for our children to be respected they have to be taught respect and most importantly they have to give it.
So the next time that a parent questions why their child is behaving like they are, why they got into trouble or why they are unaware of the proper ways to behave - they don't need to look at the child for answers - instead they need to look in the mirror.
The question is not necessarily always "what has happened to our children?" Instead maybe we should ask what has happened to us as parents.
More importantly I suppose we should ask ourselves - "Is society changing us as parents or are we as parents changing society?"
