A letter to a new mom

The other night we had went to eat at this quaint little restaurant that we like to go to. The tables are very close together and there isn’t a whole lot of room for seating. The waitress sat us at a table next to this young couple with a small baby and what appeared to be first time grandparents. The baby was restless, somewhat fussy and at times crying. I know that they must have thought it was bothering me because every time they looked my direction I was watching them. We finished our meal before them and as we left the mother and grandmother apologized several times for the child’s behavior. While I appreciated them being considerate enough to apologize, I reassured them that it was not necessary.

After we left and during the ride home I thought a lot about that new mother and thought that I wish I could go back and talk to her. There were so many things that I would say. So with that said here is me reaching out to her.

 Dear New Mom,

The other night I had the privilege of dining with you and your (obviously) first child. I sensed while we were together in the same place for a while that you were worried that your child was causing a scene or that he was making others uncomfortable. I recognized you as a mother in myself 25 years ago and as you saw me staring at you at times; well that was me asking myself where did all the time go? Wasn’t this just me yesterday? It was me thinking to myself “oh how I wish that was me again”! I was watching in both envy and regret. Envious that you have all these years ahead of you to share and create memories. Envious that your days of hide & seek, Play Dough and Disney movies have not even begun yet. Envious because you have no idea yet the joys and the laughter that lie ahead of you.

Regret? Yes, as good as a mother as I think I have been – there are so many things that I look back now on and wish that I could change. I think back to me being in your seat with a small child crying and thinking to myself “Oh my gosh I don’t know what to do! I don’t know what you need!” I wish I could go back to that time. I wish that I could have seen then the importance of not worrying about what others thought of me and my fussy baby. I wish that I had just savored the moment as just another part of childhood and I wish that I had taken more time to cuddle you and play with you than the time I used to stress and fret over it.

I have often heard and even said it several times myself, “If I could only go back and know then what I know now”.  If I could tell you anything I would tell you to cherish every moment…the laughter….the tears…all of it, because one day you will be sitting where I was. You will be watching another young mother and thinking the same thing I was. One of the hardest parts of being a parent is when you children grow up. As a single mom I look back over the years and I wish that there was a do-over button. I would spend more time coloring, more time reading to them, more time holding them while they slept and more time listening to their stories. You have so much ahead of you and I have so much behind me. You have years to get it right and I have memories that cannot be changed.

I know that now it doesn’t seem possible – but tomorrow that little child will become dependent and he or she won’t want you to hold them in your lap; the next day they will start school and in what seems like a few weeks they will go from walking into kindergarten by themselves to walking across the stage a graduate. So trust me you owe no apologies for a fussy child because that moment is fleeting and soon you will be wishing you had it back again. My children overnight went from pulling at my pant leg to walking through a room barely noticing my existence. They went from climbing up in my lap and falling asleep to these creatures that survive on junk food and a cell phone locked in their bedroom. It’s simply a part of them letting go while you still want to hold on.

Most of all – don’t be so hard yourself. I saw the look in your eyes when your wee one was upset. Don’t fret it. Just look at it as just a part of it. Trust me there are so many wonderful days and moments ahead of you and one day you will I promise look back and see how insignificant that moment was. Today is a chance to play instead of work, to color instead of clean and to laugh instead of worry. Don’t put off these things thinking you will make up for it on another day – because someday eventually becomes today and then you look back and wish you had more time - just like me - the mother that sat in the restaurant at the table next to you one night.