Setting an example to follow

Do you ever have a moment that is kind of like an epiphany? You know one of those moments when someone says something that suddenly makes all these bells and whistles go off in your mind? Well I had one of those exact moments this morning at church. I was listening to the preacher as he talked about the examples that we should set for our children.  As he preached I looked over at my youngest daughter who is about to graduate high school in 12 days and as I looked at her for a split second I saw a 5 year old little curly headed girl and then I blinked and there sat a beautiful young woman who is preparing to embark on the next chapter of her life. I thought about how fast life has passed with my children and wondered if I have done them justice in the things that I have tried to teach them.

As I listened to my pastor make reference to the many things in life that we teach our children vs the things that we could’ve taught them, I thought about how it applied to me as a parent.  I know that I have taught my children the basics. You know the parenting 101 stuff like looking both ways before you cross the street, not to stick a fork in a plugged in toaster and don’t cross your eyes or they will stick that way.  But I wonder if I have taught them enough about what the important things in life are. I know that I have taught them to love God above all others. I know that I have taught them that if they have a choice to do right or wrong to always do what is right. I know that I have taught them the golden rule. But through all the talks and the long lectures have I taught them more by words than I have by my actions? I find myself a lot of times (especially since his passing) thinking “how would my dad have handled this situation?” - Probably because my dad was the wisest person that I have ever known.  I learned so much from him just by his every day walk of life. He was the kindest, most compassionate and most forgiving person that I have ever known, and I learned those things about him not by what he said, but by what he did. He wasn’t perfect by any means – none of us are. But when I look back I can’t remember as a parent him ever leading me or any of his children by a bad example. He was just a good person and that simple description says a lot about a person’s character.

I’m certain, without any doubt that I will never measure up to the person that he was. Not because of his failure in teaching, but by my failure in learning. I know that I will not always make the right choices in my children’s lives or in my own. I know that there are certain footsteps of mine that I pray that my children don’t follow. But at the end of the day, when choices have been made and their character is challenged I hope that they will ask themselves if the decision that they made is one that I would’ve made. Because if they ask themselves that question then it means that somewhere along the journey of parenthood that I set more good examples than bad and that it made them think about what I would think of their own actions.

Being a parent is so much more than just bringing a child into the world. It is more than just knowing when to tell them yes and when to tell them no. Being a parent means setting an example that you want them to follow. It means that at the end of the day when they lay their head down to sleep if they are proud of the person that they are – then you have done something right along the way in creating that peace that they have.

Today at my daughter’s baccalaureate service the pastor made reference to a gentleman by the name of George Bernard Shaw. In one of his last interviews he was posed the question “If you could go back to the very beginning of your life and be ANYONE you wanted to be – who would it be?” His response was “to be the man I could’ve have been.”  Even though my oldest daughter is 24 and the other two children are not that many years younger than her, they are still impressionable and can still be influenced by the things that I teach them or the things that I don’t. So my prayer as a parent is that it’s not too late to set an example for them that if that question is ever asked of them that they will have a different answer. There are many things that I want for my children in their lives, and one of the most important things that I want for them is to have no regrets or remorse for the lives that they have lived; that when it is all said and done that they would not want to turn back time and have another chance to be a better person.