See Dad I WAS listening......

My two daughters are always joking with me that my son is my favorite child. One of their famous lines during this joking is "when we have gotten in trouble we got grounded - when "the boy" (as they commonly call him) gets in trouble he gets a new pair of shoes." Just the other day my youngest daughter says “Come on Mom – tell me who you REALLY love the most.” There are times that I have actually thought that they were serious and when that happens I find myself reciting something that my dad used to tell me when I would think that my baby sister was the one that got all the attention. He would take me out to the swing [the place where all the serious talks took place at my house] or on his back porch and he would say "Sis I don't love any of you any more than I do the other one, I just love you all in different ways." He on several occasions would add to his description of his love for us and say " if anyone ever told me to put all of you kids on a pedal stool and pick one who has to die I couldn't do it, they would just have to take my own life...I love you that much." I always walked away from those conversations feeling like I was equal and most importantly feeling reassured of how much he did truly love me.
When I talk to her or either of the other two I wonder if the words that I share with them have the impact on their lives as my dad's words had on me. It was like he had this gift of being able to say exactly what it was that I not necessarily "wanted" to hear, but what I "needed" to hear. It was like he had this secret parent handbook that told him exactly what to say. Now granted there were times that he would have a talk with me and at the time I could only hear the muffled vibration of his words and he somewhat sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher because I [at the time] didn't think that I needed "the talk", so therefore I would let it go in one ear and out the other....or so I thought. But looking back now I obviously listened to what he had to say; at least in my subconscious I did, because to this day I repeat what he told me A LOT of times to my own children.
My dad wasn't a college graduate, he didn't have a certificate of psychology hanging on an office wall and he didn't make me lay on a black couch while he bestowed upon me his words of wisdom. Instead he would use simple analogies or words that didn't require a Webster dictionary to know the meaning of them. He could take situations that I thought had no possible solution to them and he would not only give me a whole new perspective on the matter, but most importantly he would make me feel so much better about things. He would rationally and carefully disperse these answers that I would drive myself crazy trying to find on my own. I would often wonder to myself if his brain ever got full from all the perils of wisdom that obviously he had gathered over the years, but then one day it dawned on me that what he spoke came from the heart not the mind. I soon came to realize that my dad in all his infinite wisdom may not have known everything, but he knew exactly what I needed to hear.
I look back to so many conversations with my dad and his advice, his fore warnings and his general philosophy in life. I could probably write a book on all the things he taught me.
Dad was always open minded and listened and I think that’s what made him even smarter. He was always fair about things and looking back now that meant a lot. I remember one time I was mad as a hornet at my boyfriend Patrick. I went up to talk to Dad and in a rare turn of events summoned him to the back porch to talk. After telling my story I felt sure that Patrick was going to be in for it when he came back to visit Dad and Mom. But alas after I finished talking Dad sat there for a minute and then said “Well Sis I’m sorry I just can’t side with you on this one.” He proceeded to point out where I was wrong in my thinking and gently urged to me to be forgiving and let it go.
I can only hope in the times that I talk to my kids that I am giving them something to take with them into parenthood that will help them instill a little wisdom in their own children along the way. I’m sure there were times that my dad thought I wasn’t paying attention to a word he said. But he taught me so many things in life and I’m so glad I was listening…even when he and I both thought I wasn’t.