Going to smile instead of cry

On this day two years ago I think that was probably the lowest point in my life it was the day that they turned off the machines and my dad left this world behind.

I have dreaded today because I knew that my heart would be heavy and that my family would be sad.

He had been sick a long time and finally he was at the point where he just couldn’t do it anymore. I remember trying to get the doctor’s to listen when I would call them as I tried to tell them how sick he was. But Dad would just calm me down and say over and over [with each of my outburst of declaring the doctors incompetent] that is ‘was ok – he was ready to go’. I think a lot about hearing him tell me and my brother Matt that on that Sunday. He was so confident and at peace and I truly believe that he knew that was “his” time.

But I have decided that I’m not going to let this day be about mourning the day that he left this world to go on to a better place. Today I am going to let my thoughts consist of things that I shared with my dad - the simple things most of all.

If you knew my dad you would know that there wasn’t many times that he wasn’t cracking a joke, scaring the daylights out of someone (especially Mom), or telling one of his famous stories. He was happy in life and he lived a rich life. He was never wealthy – at sometimes was a lot like most of us lived from paycheck to paycheck. We didn’t take trips to Disney Land, we didn’t own a fancy ski boat, and we didn’t go out to eat once or twice a week to Red Lobster. We went to the beach a few times and stayed at a campground there – no fancy condo or beach house. Instead he and Mom gave us so much more.

But I don’t remember “not” getting to do other things that the “more well off kids” go to do. What I do remember is night fishing at Watts Bar, watching breakfast being cooked outside over a fire when we went camping on the weekends. I remember 4^th of July breakfasts at home outside. I remember begging him to let me ride with him on a motorcycle down to his old home place when there was snow on the ground and coming back home with almost frostbitten toes! And I remember our talks. There were so many! Well I refer to them as our talks but truthfully I was only allowed to talk the first 2-3 minutes then after that the floor was his for at least a good hour. I can’t help but smile when I think of the times we played cornhole and he would have Patrick laughing so hard that he would literally fall to the ground or the Saturday nights when Patrick and I would have our date night playing cards with him and Mom and laughing more than concentrating on the game.

I remember his famous grilled hamburgers - that if the truth be known was the real reason that my family from Ohio would come to visit – especially my cousin Lance.

I think about how much he loved to garden and how he spent every day dedicating himself to nurturing his garden for two reasons – to grow enough food to feed half the community {he would tell everyone – just come by and pick out what you want} or he would care for it like a baby to just be able to compete with my brother Matt and his “city garden”.

I think about his amazing faith in God and how he tried to live his life each day as an example so that he didn’t have to tell people he was a Christian – they knew by his actions.

And I think about how generous he was. There was never a friend that he turned down that asked to borrow money – he knew some times he would probably never get it back but he didn’t dwell on that he just opened his wallet and gave what he had and that was fine with him. Money wasn’t as important as the ability to be able to give to someone that needed a helping hand. And I remember how each month he gave to St. Judes – even if he didn’t have a lot to give he always made sure he did and this was long before cancer invaded his body – he was just so heartbroken over the children there that suffered and he wanted to help in some way. He even carried a picture of a new child that they sent him pictures of each month in his wallet or put them on the fridge and told people that was one of his children that God was allowing him to help take care of.

Dad was an exceptional man. There aren’t many of them like him anymore. He didn’t have but an 8^th grade education but was smarter than most CEO’s I know, worked for everything he ever had and never asked for a handout but never turned anyone away that was in need.

The world would be such a better place if there were more people like my dad and I will be a better person if I strive more every day to be just like him.

Dad was privileged in his death to have his wife, his children & daughter-in-law, some of his grandchildren, a sister and brother & law and two very special friends by his side. We told him goodbye and that we loved him. I know without a doubt that he heard us and to me that gave me some peace knowing that one last time he heard us say tell him we loved him. And I was privileged in this life as well as so many others to have had him be a part of us. While he was here he set an example for all of us and he planted a seed that we can make the choice to nurture so that we can be the kind of person that he was and leave behind a legacy as wonderful as the one he did.

I sure do miss you dad and I can’t wait to see you again – but until then I will carry you with me every day in my heart and in my thoughts.

Thank you for being the father that you were, for the examples that you set for us, and most importantly for the love and happiness that you gave us all.

Missing you always – loving you forever!