Life in a little town

 I imagine to some people living in a small town in just not their ideal lifestyle. A lot of people, probably a significant amount, prefer to live where they are minutes away from an Outback Steakhouse or some place to shop other than the local Wal-Mart. But to me, I don’t think there is any place else that I would rather have spent a majority of my life. I grew up in a country setting complete with a farm and gardens to each side of me where people worked out in them every day. I played in mud holes, rode dirt bikes through the fields, swung on grapevines and caught crawdads in the creek below our house. I never felt like I missed out on anything then and even more so now I realize what a wonderful childhood I had growing up being able to have those “luxuries”.

I can remember going shopping with my mom to the Five & Dime store in town and thought that was the greatest thing. Then when I got older I was able to take my granny to the old Sloan’s store to get her groceries. There would be someone in front of us a lot of times that was buying “on credit” and the cashier would just write their name in a notebook and how they owed or what they got.

Today while the rest of the world is caught up in the hustle and bustle of trying to keep up with the Jones’ or should I say the modern day term – keep up with the Khardashians; I relish in the fact that I live in the quiet little town that I do. There’s still the local store up on the hill where you can go see Roger and still buy something on credit. There are plentiful gardens in the summertime at what seems like every other house that I see each morning on my way to work. For the most part, a lot of kids still ride their dirt bikes – well until they turn 16 then it’s their Ford, Chevy, or Toyota 4-wheel drive pick-up trucks. Everywhere you go there is someone that you know that wants to chat and visit a while. We have the local man that we refer to as “Mousie” that walks the sidewalks every morning in the town where I work. Every time you see him he throws up his hand and waves at you like he has seen someone of great importance or famous. You can’t help but smile every time; because he just makes you feel good.

This morning one of my children’s teachers sent me a text to inform me that my son had not completed his homework last night. I thought to myself how nice it is to live in a community that the teachers are so in touch with their student’s parents that they take the time out of class to call or text to let you know there is a problem. When you live in a smaller community you have that added advantage as a parent of either being friends with your child’s teacher, going to church with them or both and you can rest easy knowing they will watch after your children.  

We parents all stick together, we report on each other’s children if we see something that isn’t quite right, we car pool each other’s kids to and from practices when someone has to work late, and we treat each other’s kids as our own. We have our own little group at ballgames that sit and laugh and have a great time socializing while we cheer on not just our own children, but each other’s too. We hug each other’s kids, feed them, keep an eye for them and love them.

Yes, I imagine being able to drive to the mall in 10 minutes might be nice. Going to Red Lobster at the spur of the moment would be pretty wonderful. But having what I have here certainly makes up for those things. Although my dream is to move to the beach in 4 years, I imagine that I will still have to come back here from time to time - because I’m sure that as wonderful as it will be living at the beach - I might just need to be reminded what I was blessed with for all these years.

A little time on I-75 and some in the closet

As a single mom the one thing that you just don’t have a lot of is time for “just you”. I love being with my kids more than anything in this world - but sometimes the whole “mom job” does get a little overwhelming.

With that said – this weekend I took off to Ohio to bring my mother back home from her visit with our family up there. I had one of those very rare opportunities where I had more than 30 minutes to be by myself. I felt like I was on an exotic vacation and I was only in my Mom’s mini-van on I-75! I turned the radio up if I wanted to and sang to the top of my lungs. I kept the temperature below freezing and didn’t have to worry about someone begging for heat. I had over 6 hours with just me and my thoughts. My mind felt like a hamster on crack on a spinning wheel! To be honest if the trip had been 12 hours I probably would have came back a new woman completely!

As stressed out as my life is – I do love it. I wouldn’t change anything about going to 50 or 60 ballgames of different sports a year. I wouldn’t trade 7 or 8 hours of concession stand duty at every home ballgame. I wouldn’t give up having anywhere from 3 to 15 kids at my house on the weekends in exchange for a quiet environment, because I know that those times won’t last much longer.

 I just have to be reminded that every once in a while too, that the solitude of it “just being me” is needed for nothing other than me reconnecting with myself. In that short span of almost 7 hours I was rejuvenated and ready to go for the weekend when I got to my Aunt’s house.

In addition to my “me time” I got to follow up with a weekend of laughing continuously until my sides ached! I am so overwhelmingly blessed with an awesome family on both sides of the parental fence. My family on my mother’s side has to be the healthiest people on the face of the earth if the cliché “laughter is the best medicine” is actually true. From the minute I walk in the door until the minute I leave there is laughter echoing in our presence.

The one thing that a lot of us on the maternal side of the family have in common is that fact that we would rather scare each other than eat when we are hungry! So each trip consists of me scoping out every piece of furniture or anything else that I can hide behind; I have to even confess that I have even assessed the measurements of my Aunt’s new dryer just to see if I could fit in it. We will do anything for at the expense of a laugh. Some call us a little crazy; but for us it works.

We did A LOT of retail therapy (which shall be a blog within itself soon) and just hung out the last night playing a game of Guesstures; which required several trips to the bathroom for those of them that weren’t planning ahead and didn’t think it necessary to purchase any Depends. By the end of a very productive day I was exhausted from laughing so much, but still had enough energy to hide in the clothes closet one last time on my unsuspecting mother with the stints in her heart. I think she is probably out of the woods for the danger of another heart attack with all the training that has been put into scaring her every time the opportunity presents itself.

I always dread the loading up the vehicle part because I have so much fun with them and I hate to leave. But the trip served its purpose. I relaxed, I had fun, I laughed and laughed and most of all I had a little bit of an opportunity to reconnect with that inner part of myself that often gets pushed aside for the sake of something that I some times make more important than it should be.

As a mother I feel like every interaction that I have with my children and their lives is so vitally important. As well as what I give of myself to my perspective other, my family or my job - BUT I have got to get better at reminding myself that the interaction WITH myself is as equally important, because it makes me a better person. I don’t think you should always put yourself first by any means, but its okay to celebrate “just you” – it’s okay to remember that you are important and that sometimes the only person who is responsible for that happiness is you.

The older I get the more I am realizing that as much as I need to spend time with those I love – I also need to spend time with me. I might not always be my favorite person – but I am pretty special to me and I have to treat me with as much respect and love as I do others.

With all that said – if it’s been a while since you have had some “me time” – take an opportunity to do it. You will be surprised what a little road trip, some laughter or hiding in the closet can do for you.

Laughter, secrets and friendship

Here lately I have been reflecting a lot on the past and reminiscing on old memories. I suppose as we get older those reflections of yesterday become more special and to me they certainly have. A lot of these flashbacks have been about 4 very special women that have been in my life for over 2 decades.

I have been overwhelmingly blessed with some of the best friends in life that a person can ask for. What makes me even more blessed though is that those friendships just increase with value every day and with those friendships come some amazing memories.

I have different sets of friends; those that have been a part of my life since elementary school, those that I met later in life – but formed a bond with as though I have known them my whole life. With all these friends come so many recollections in every shape and form. There are those that I have laughed with until I have cried and those that I have came to crying that made me laugh. All of them hold their own unique and special places in my heart.

I have this one very special group of girls that I know without a doubt will forever be in my corner and that I can always count on. I worked with them over 20 years ago and through the years some of us lost contact with each other. Thanks to the world of Facebook though, we have reunited and to be honest I their friendships mean more to me now than ever! We all in have our own distinctive personalities in some ways, but that just makes our bond of friendship stronger and more enjoyable because we balance each other out. But then in other ways we are all so much alike that it’s kinda scary. The most wonderful thing about our friendship that we share is that I know that I will ALWAYS have someone there – no matter what time or where – each of them will do everything in their power to be there for me and they know that I would do the same for each of them.

We get together once every month or so when everyone’s schedule will allow and for hours we sit and laugh about the same things every time we get together. We hold secrets that we will take to our graves and that I know without a shadow of doubt will be guarded by them until the end. I can pretty much venture to say that even a slight amount or torture won’t break these girls to talk! Honestly when we get together we should probably make our waiters take an oath of secrecy for anything that they might overhear.

The laughter and the tears that we shed when we are with each other are such a special part of our friendships that we have and I cherish that aspect of it. More than that though I value the trust that we have in each other and knowing that no matter what I can come to them. I can say honestly that if I showed up at any of their doors with a body they wouldn’t ask a question they would just say let me get my boots and shovel. (Not that any of us are capable of that – just in case an ex from one of our lives goes missing and the FBI sees this blog.)

I talk to my kids about the friendships that they form in life and express to them that a true friendship is definitely one of the most precious of treasures in this life. When you find a true friend like the ones I have found in these women - you are very blessed. I want my children to have those kinds of relationships in their lives. I want them to know that when I can’t be there or when their “natural family” can’t be there that they will have someone that is equally as important in their lives. That’s what I have with these ladies and I can’t think of a more perfect example of friendship for my kids to have to follow.

Aging gracefully or aging with grace

Last night I was coloring my hair to prepare myself for the “fall look”. As I was coloring it I was thinking to myself how much money I have spent over the years doing maintenance to myself or attempting some self-preservation of my aging body. I have probably spent so much on facial creams, moisturizers and oils that I should in all fairness own stock in Proctor & Gamble. I have colored my hair so many times that to be honest I can’t remember without looking at old pictures what my natural hair color even was. To be perfectly truthful I’m actually surprised that I haven’t woken up one morning with all my hair on my pillow where it has fallen out from all the colorings, treatments and products I have used over the span of the last 30 years. I wish I had nickel for every ounce of Cajun Shrimp nail polish that I have applied over the past few years in an attempt to make my hands look youthful and attractive.

Those ladies Miss Clairol and Cover Girl have become my best friends over the years and honestly I probably don’t appreciate them as much as I should, because without them I’m fairly certain I could make a freight train take a dirt road with how I would probably look without all their years of their support and therapy.

I don’t know why it is so hard to just age gracefully in a dignified manner without all the hoopla of chemicals, foundations and lotions. I think that surely the Lord intended for us women to strive to look good or else all these products wouldn’t be out there. But sometimes I think that we tend to go overboard. I can look in the mirror and see a gray hair that stands out like a Baptist in a liquor store. I go into panic mode and the next thing you know there’s an emergency trip to Wal-Mart or Walgreen’s at 10:00 at night to make a made dash for a box of color before anyone sees that pesky little varmint that has taken up residency on my head!

I have been blessed fortunately through good genetics on my mother and my father’s side when it comes to being almost wrinkle free. I shudder to think though how I will react when I wake up one morning and have a well defined example of “crow’s feet” around my eyes. I will probably just go back to bed and mourn for a day or two. It’s probably a good thing that I will never be able to afford to live in the world of Botox and liposuction because I’m fairly certain I would probably feel the need to require it more often than not.

In actuality, I don’t know if we (as women) do it to ourselves because we want to look good so that we will feel better about ourselves or if we do it because we feel like society has mandated it for us to do it in order to look better for them. Either way – I think that it’s important that we worry to a certain degree how we look not just to the public but in the mirror as well. I see some women (mainly in Wal-Mart) and I think to myself “bless her – didn’t she ask someone how she looked?” Then there are others that just plainly don’t care as they come to shop wearing SpongeBob pajama pants and a Dale Earnhardt t-shirt from her significant other’s closet. Heck I felt so bad the time I went in with my skirt tucked in my pantyhose with all my glory showing that I didn’t go back for a month and trolled the “People of Wal-Mart” website 3 times a week nervously anticipating that my hind end would be on there (literally).

So as I sit here thinking about how much time, energy and money I have invested in trying to age gracefully and I wonder if I have aged with grace; because that is what’s important. I think it was best said by Robert Brault when he said “Who does not wish to be beautiful, and clever, and rich, and to have back, in old age, the time spent trying to be any of them.”

Thank Goodness for The Lord and Cymbalta

This has certainly been one of those weeks and it's only Wednesday! It's been a combination of running here and there trying to make time deadlines for church, volleyball games and work. On top of that my bedroom floor has an issue that is causing in to buck up and it's like walking across a small hill to get to my bed. My house is close to be 40 years old and I'm quite certain that whatever the fix is for the problem it's going to result in me taking off work to clean out my bedroom. I'm the world's worst "if I can't find a place to put something - then under the bed seems like a logical place" kind of person. I'm not certain after 5 years of doing that just how much stuff has accumulated. The thought of that alone scares me! Although after it's all said and done I'm sure I will find that black pump of mine that has been the catalyst of me losing my religion on numerous occasions when I could only find the one. It's one thing to lose a sock in the laundry but to have 5 pairs of shoes without a match is a little ridiculous. For all I know I could have a lost kid under that bed!
It seems like the older I get the more hectic life has become. I would've thought that when I had 2 out of 3 driving that my time on the road would have ceased some - but it's actually the opposite. With hind sight being 20/20 I think I would have been better off to have gotten a hybrid car because I am running here and there so much. With so much time away from home it's no wonder that I am 3 seasons behind on spring cleaning. If I don't give it a good cleaning soon I'm afraid I actually will lose a child in there.
I get asked all the time when I take on another task like high school concessions or another board to sit on - "when are you going to learn to say NO?" I know that I have too many irons in the fire and therefore when a dilemma comes up - like a bedroom floor being replaced - I normally panic a bit, cry a little and stress A LOT. But recently I finally gave in and went to the doctor because I was overly stressed and he put me on that wonderful little blue and green capsule of a miracle! Well let me tell you - I'm not much on being medicated, but that baby has changed my life! I feel quite certain that I am the epitome of a spokesperson for the company that makes them!
With the combination of that and learning to pray a lot more than I used to I have succeeded in overcoming that habit of stressing and worrying until I have worked my way into a corner and want to scream. I think my children were on the verge of trading me in for another model! But that's what stress will do to you.
I have a friend of mine the other night that was talking to me and she just couldn't hold back the tears of frustration with how stressed her life is. My heart broke for her because I have been there! It's not easy to just "not let things get to you". Not taking anything away from the testosterone side of the fence - they have stress too - but on the estrogen side of the fence there seems to be so many more things to stress over. Making sure the kids are dropped off, picked up, fed, cleaned and tucked in on top of the everyday hustles and bustles and those themselves are overwhelming sometimes. Then on top of that trying to maintain a career and take care of a household - the list goes on and on.
I have learned through medical assistance and praying that sometimes you just gotta laugh about it or even just forget about it from time to time. Now don't get me wrong I still fall victim to certain stresses - like, road rage - heck I think Mother Teresa probably does too if the truth be told. There is NO AMOUNT of medication that can heal my desire to shoot the tires off of some one's car that pulls out in front of me just to turn off 50 ft from where they pulled out.
But my other stresses seem to getting better. It's either contributed to the fact that medication is really what it's cracked up to be, the fact that the Lord is hearing my prayers or the fact that I have become so complacent with being stressed  that I just don't let it worry me anymore. I'm not taking any chances on it being the last factor so I believe to be on the safe side and to insure that my kids will let me live with them longer; I will hold onto the medical miracle and try to stay in the Lord's good graces.