I've been thinking a lot in the past few months about growing older and the things that I have yet to check off my list of things to do. Don't get me wrong - I have succeeded in life with things that have mattered and things that are important. I have been incredibly blessed with 3 beautiful children and a precious granddaughter. I have basically been healthy - if you don't consider the daily aches and pains associated with the aging process. And I have been fortunate enough to have worked hard and made my way in the world without having to ask for help too many times and I have known love. But like most people, there are things that I would love to be able to have or to have said that I have done.
I try to teach my kids the importance of taking opportunities when life offers them to you and even when they aren't handed to them in a nice gift wrapped package they are still out there for them to pursue and succeed at accomplishing. But....like me when I was young I thought about tomorrow more than I thought about the present day. With age will come wisdom for them - the same as it has for me and they will hopefully see what I have tried to convey before they reach that point in life that I have reached where I have one or two too many regrets for things that I wish I had done.
Five years or so ago I was seriously contemplating going back to school and making a career for myself. But either due to fear or failure or a lack of enthusiasm, I talked myself out of it each time that the conversation played itself out in my mind. I imagine I could still do it - although to be honest any career choices that I had before wouldn't be quite as easy at the age I would be when I received my degree. The satisfaction though in merely completing the task and telling myself "I told you so" would probably be as valuable (if not more so) than the actual career itself.
But instead, I have put my thoughts into focusing on the things that I can achieve, the dreams that I can fulfill and the goals that I can reach. I have resigned myself to the fact that I am closer to retirement than I am to beginning a new career choice and have come to the conclusion that in place of feeling sorry for myself that I can't take a vacation this year, that instead I am setting my sights on a few years down the road from now; rather than thinking about the remainder of a boring summer.
While my dreams still consist of owning a camper and spending weekends at the campground or perhaps taking the kids to Disney World; I have extended my realm of dreaming to further down the road to where I can envision myself living at the beach.
Since it is obvious to me that I will never be the world traveler that packs her bags in a moment of spontaneity and heads to an exotic place picked out randomly. Perhaps living at the beach (even if it's just part of the time) seems to me like it would fulfill any void left by a lack of frequent flier miles. I love where I live; there's no place to me more peaceful than the quaint little town I have spent most of my life - but the ocean has and always will be my Heaven here on Earth. So rightfully so that's where my heart longs to be in the future.
So if I must accept the cold hard truth of getting older and live with the regrets of not doing things that I should have done, then I can at least concentrate on dreams of what my future can be. I may not be the age anymore where playing in a sandbox will bring contentment to my heart, but I can think about having a place where I can sit with my feet in the sand and stare into oblivion at the endless ocean before me. I can chose to think of the dreams that have passed me by and live with those regrets or I can pursue the dreams that are still ahead of me and pray that it will be in God's favor for me to see them come true.
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