Not necessarily the presence....just the knowing

My granddaughter Peyton has entered that stage where when she does something, whether it be big or small, she wants to know someone is watching her. My chosen title for her to call me is “GranApple” (a whole different blog material for where that came from). She can’t quite say it all yet so when she wants my attention she yells to the top of her little lungs “Apple!” Once she has succeeded in gaining my undivided attention she then proceeds to show me what it is that she has set out to accomplish. It’s like what she is doing is only important if someone else sees her do it or I think that it perhaps gives her a sense of pride that she is able to achieve it while maintaining an audience.

When my children were smaller and involved it a vast variety of sports ranging from cheerleading to softball. At that age in their lives they had grown out of the stage of pleading for my attention and instead would just dart their eyes back and forth from the field or the court to me. It was an assurance to them that I was watching them and that seemed to give them confidence and occasionally a grin; because Mom was cheering her heart out, and at the same time making a fool of herself, as she was watching them. I remember once I had concession duty and had gotten up with less than a minute left in the game and proceeded to pack up my stuff so I could relieve the last shift. In the process of packing up I let my focus stray from the court and Kailee hit her first 3 pointer from just a few feet from the half-line – AND I MISSED IT! Trust me though that time was nowhere near as bad as the time I missed a great shot because I was texting. After the scolding I got from my child (I would like to mention word for word from the one I had just given her not too long before that about being able to put down the phone when something else is more important); I tried my very best to keep the texting to a minimum and to only do it during time-outs.

A few Sundays ago I had told my youngest daughter that I may not be going to church that morning with them. She instantly spun around with this look that quickly showed her hesitation to go without me. I reassured her that she is now 17, can drive, has been going there long enough to know everyone and knows the way there. She replies yes, but I like it when you are there. I smiled and reminded her that she never even sits with me and she replies “yeah but I know you are there”. It hit me harder as I kept replaying those words in my mind that as a mother I need to be there for my children.  

I have thought about that a lot since Kailee said it to me. It made me realize that in life (not just as a child) that a cheering fan, a voice of reason or a show of support isn’t necessarily what is the most important. While having all those things is reassuring and comforting, all we truly want is just a presence there in our lives; a face to look at in the crowd, a voice that can be heard or a hand to reach out to us. It’s all about just knowing someone is there.