I have thought a lot today about what being a mom consists of. There's so much more to it than just a title. Being a mother has been more than providing meals, clothes and a roof over my children's heads. I have been the healer of broken hearts, the kisser of boo-boo's, a counselor, a provider of guidance, a cheerleader and many other things.
Raising my children has been a breeze on some days and on others it has been a challenge. I have watched my children struggle and I have struggled myself in the capacity of the one who is supposed to guide their paths. Along the journey that I have been on with my three precious children I have learned as much [if not more] than I have taught. I at times thought that I would always know the answers to their questions and the solutions to their problems. That has not always been the case. There have more times than one that they have shown me more strength and compassion than I have them.
It's not easy for them to live with a single mom. There have been sacrifices that they have had to make and things that they have had to do without. I have always tried to be give them most of what they wanted and all of what they needed, even if that meant I had to go without the newest fashions or little extras along the way. I have always tried to pray that God would take away the envy that I might have of a richer parents or dual parent households. Not because of myself, but because of my children, feeling like maybe they felt cheated doing without some of the things that I couldn't afford or give them at a certain time. They have never been ones to hold a grudge or make me feel inadequate for not giving them all the luxuries that some kids have.
Even though there have been hard times through the parental years there have been so many more rewards than disappointments. To be able to bring a smile or a burst of laughter to a child who is crying from a hurt that has been inflicted upon their hearts or to be the one who has healed the pain of a skinned knee by a simple kiss that made it all better or to have seen the look on their face and the smile they tried to hide as I tried to accomplish being the loudest parent in the stands or in the crowd - those are some of the "plus moments" that I have experienced through the years.
I know that it hasn't been easy living with a stressed out mom over bills and a menopausal mom of these latter years, but yet they have still loved me through all my shortcomings and bursts of crying or screaming unnecessarily loud over an undone chore or request. We don't always have those "Leave it to Beaver" days, sometimes it's more like a scene out of an action packed war movie with yells across the house between siblings or with me. But every day has been days where we have never doubted the love between a child and a mother.
I grew up in a household where my dad worked and my mom [for most of the years] was a stay at home mom who took care of us while Dad provided the income. I didn't have a lot of things that some kids had, but I never lacked in the things that I needed to be happy and taken care of. My parents could have both worked and given me an expensive car when I turned 16, but instead they sacrificed themselves and gave what they could so that Mom could always be there for us in a moment's notice. I had to work for my own car, pay for anything "extra" that I wanted and because of that I have always had a dedication to having strong work ethics. Later in life I realized that was more important that being handed whatever it was that I wanted. In return for what they passed onto me, I now am blessed to have two children that have jobs and dedicate themselves on a daily basis to strive and have those same work ethics.
I can't take the credit for any ethics that I have acquired through the years though; they were instilled in me by the examples that my parents set for me. And along the way, the same as my parents did, I have failed from time to time to always do the right thing. They didn't always know just the right thing to say or do, but they tried to always make it right and that is what I remember.
I just hope that through the ups and downs of on this roller coaster ride of motherhood that I have shown my children that above all - no matter what happens - that I love them as unconditionally as they love me.
I am not without fault trying to maneuver my way through this maze of being a parent, I fall short more often than I succeed; I know. But through all the blood, sweat and tears there have been more triumphant moments than I can count. And at the end of the day when I thank the Lord for those three precious lives that I was given the gift of, I also ask for mercy and forgiveness when I fall short of giving them all that they need to guide them in the direction that they need to go that will insure them a better future. Although I can't always be there for them to hold their hand, I hope that in those moments when they doubt themselves or fear failure that they hear the still small voice of their mother in their ears whispering that I love them and me cheering them on. And I hope that in my absence during those moments that they will always have only words of encouragement and praise echoing in their minds and hearts.
Today, as I look back on my years as a parent, I know that it has not always been easy - but it has ALWAYS been a blessing. And if my children take nothing else with them when they leave to live their own lives that they will take with them as many wonderful memories of me and they will leave behind for me to have of them.
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