Raising kids and trying to get it right

Raising children this day and time is almost like nailing Jello to a tree. No matter how hard you try to get it done right – it takes A LOT of effort and multiple tries  and wishful thinking for a successful ending. You think after the first one that the next child will be easier and then the same thoughts with the second & third. But if I have learned anything about my children it is that they are all completely different from each other. Which isn’t a bad thing – it’s just a challenge. How I may have addressed a topic or situation with Jessica isn’t at all how I have to address it with Kailee. And then there’s Eli – addressing issues with a boy is much more different than with a girl! Jessica has always been more of the conservative one with her actions – being more cautious about trying a new adventure. Kailee on the other hand will do anything at least once and will not hesitate to say ‘hold my Mountain Dew and watch this!’ Eli he’s just now really coming into what he will allow himself to do. He’ll stand in the direct line of fire of a semi-automatic air soft gun and not think twice of the possibility of getting an eye shot out but yet you can’t get him within 200 yards of a roller coaster.

So you can imagine with all these different personalities floating around my house what a daily struggle it can be to balance all 3 personalities while these kids have been growing up.

I have tried to teach my kids something new every chance I have gotten since they were old enough to grasp the concept of learning. But some times along the way I find myself being educated and my children being the teacher. Each of them in their own ways has taught me something on more than one occasion. Jess continues to teach me forgiveness and patience as she is the oldest and therefore is at the brunt end more than the other kids of my hatefulness that I have when I am too stressed out. No matter how hateful I get though – with every apology I give her – her reply is always the same ‘It’s okay Mom – really.’ Kailee has taught me that no one can be judged by what others say about them, by how they dress or their outward appearance. There have been more times than I care to admit (and ashamed to say) that I have seen a certain kid at school and wondered what kind of a person they were by how they dressed or how many times they had a piercing that I could see. Then Kailee in her willingness to accept and not judge someone would bring one of those kids by the house and they would be an absolute delight to be around. She has taught me acceptance without judgment and I hope that with each day of my life that I will continue to improve on that. Eli to be the youngest has taught me the importance of putting the needs of others before me – especially in the past few weeks. He is a typical boy – he’s rambunctious and mischievous and you would think at his age that putting into perspective how someone else is affected would be out of the question. But instead (as I mentioned in a previous blog) he was upset about some changes taking place that were throwing his world into a tailspin. But instead of praying for him he prayed to the other person involved.

I have learned too that with 3 children that every situation is different. That some circumstances require you to stand on your head and yell and scream until you get your point across – but others simply meet their requirements by using a compassionate and understanding voice. Recently one of my children went through some life altering changes in their life. Some for the better and some that were not so positive. I could’ve yelled and acted like a crazy deranged mother – but instead I went to them and simply “asked” what I wanted to know. We talked about it and in the end I was pleased with their honesty and they in turn realized that no matter what they do – how many mistakes they make – I will always love them. My children are not perfect – nor will they ever be and in my opinion the only thing worse than a child who gets into trouble is the parent standing in front of them trying to make excuses or reasoning away their behavior. If a person makes a mistake they have to be accountable for it or they will never learn from those mistakes and they will never have the opportunity to become a better person because of (or despite of) those mistakes. It’s a two way street as a parent we have to accept when our child does wrong the same as them accepting when we fall short.

Now granted I am not by any means a role model that any parent should shape themselves into. I make mistakes every day with my children and luckily they are as forgiving of me as I am of them. It’s a vicious circle in our house sometimes of making mistakes and forgiving. But I do know that while there are times that my children need disciplined it is as important how I handle the situation as it is what they have done. Regardless of whether I am upset or angry – regardless of what they have done – the important thing is that I show them they are loved…no matter what they do. Whether it is tough love or in the form of a gentle love – the important thing is love.