That moment I let numbers stop defining me

This weekend I read on Facebook where a young lady that I had met one day had passed away. She was young and had three children.  Of course following suit with human nature I was curious about her. I wondered how someone so young had passed and more importantly, I wondered about her children. I noticed that there were no pictures of her and her children and this made me sad. I don’t know what her circumstances were, she was a one-time acquaintance that I made and I didn’t know a lot about her other than upon meeting her I thought that she was a lovely person with a sweet spirit about her. The fact that there were no pictures of her and her children though weighed heavy on my heart.

Later on in the evening I saw where my son had posted this quote on the social media and tagged me in it. It said “One day, all your children will have is pictures of you. Make sure you’re in them. No matter what your hair looks like, your makeup, or your body, they won’t care about any of that, they’ll just want to see you.” He made sure to emphasize how I needed to pay attention to those words. I found so much irony in this given the fact that a few short hours before that I was feeling sad for the children that I thought had no pictures with their mother.

I started several years ago taking pictures of my children [to the point that they made fun of me for taking so many], and later on started doing the same thing with my grandchildren. I was always behind the camera and for good reason…or so I thought.  When my children were young I had no problem having pictures snapped of us together because I was, well….young, built nicely and without many of the flaws that Father Time would later present me with. I wasn’t a bit paranoid, and not because I was conceited, but because I felt comfortable with me. Over the course of time, a few surgeries and not taking into consideration that I needed to eat healthier and exercise, I became that person that preferred to stay behind the camera. My youngest daughter has asked on several occasions over the past years when we could do family photos and my response has always been “when I lose weight.”  I would promise myself that I would get into shape and that in the spring we would take our first family pictures. Spring became summer, summer became fall and fall became winter. Still no pictures.

As a society we are extremely critical of people’s sizes and appearances. She’s too skinny. He’s too large. She’s too pale. He’s got too many tattoos and she has too many piercings. The list could go on and on of the imperfections that we can find in people. Because I am guilty of that myself [and face it, deep down we all are], I am harder on myself than probably anyone else is. Because of my reflection in a mirror I believe that is who I am. I believe that my size defines me a person. That self-analysis of me creates the insecurities that make me so self-conscious. Those insecurities create boundaries for me that I am afraid of stepping over. I have allowed myself to become so paranoid over some extra pounds that until I saw what my son had posted last night I hadn’t realized what I was doing. I joke around that there is more of me to love. I make jokes about my backside being 3 axe handles and a butcher knife wide. I try to over compensate for how my body makes me feel by making sure that I try to balance it out with spending more than I should at the hair salon, the nail salon or shopping online for new clothes that will make me feel comfortable in the environment of beautiful women whose measurements are 36x24x36.

I’m really angry at myself that I have allowed myself to be defined by numbers. “Numbers” dictate whether your checkbook balances correctly. “Numbers” decided whether you get a ticket or a warning. “Numbers” decide how many people will fit in an elevator. “Numbers” matter in more categories and examples that we can list; but they shouldn’t define us. The fact that I can’t fit in a size 7 pair of jeans anymore, the fear of stepping on a scale in front of someone, the excuse that I use for not going to the beach on vacation – those are the things that we as a society have encompassed as being more important than the things that really matter.

Sometimes we need something to put things into perspective. We need to be reminded from time to time that we should not be defined by our appearance, our size or how we look in any aspect. We should be defined by what we have to offer and who we are as a person. I’m reaping the benefits of this lesson learned this weekend and today I scheduled our first family photo session. I want my children to have pictures of me with them. I want to show them that memories are more important than measurements and that my smile is more important than my size.

Therapeutic texting and a meme for everything

I have been abundantly blessed in life with friends. I have different types of friends, different groups of friends, work friends and friends that are like family. I have this one group though that formed through a random text message about a year ago that was sent in a spur of the moment creation of a group chat.

In this group there is me, my two daughters Jess & Kailee, Stephannie, Holly and then there’s Rob. The group consists of a Director, a dispatcher, a college student, an administrative assistant, an EMT (soon to be paramedic) and a police officer. As you can imagine this group has the answers to cover pretty much any subject that comes into question. We communicate every day. We gripe, we gossip and we giggle. We insult each other (of course with love). We keep up with whose kids are playing where and when during ball season. We share funny stories about each other, the kids or spouses.We laugh at Rob’s memes that he randomly throws in for no particular reason. We share parenting successes and failures, and we keep up with Kailee's Gecko. 
There may be days that a random topic escalates into 283 messages waiting for you when you pick up your phone and then there may be days that we just have a text here and there checking to make sure that everyone is accounted for and that everyone is having a good day.
In a world where life just gets too busy to get together and have dinner or have a game night to unwind we have found a way to communicate with each other, to vent and to laugh through text messages. We don't have to get dressed up to go out and sit for hours at a table at Chili's to enjoy each other's company or to even catch up with each other and the busy lives we live. We can each sit in our favorite chair at home, take a break at work/school or even all be doing different things and for a few minutes we can connect with each other.
There's no judging the mom whose kid peed on the sidewalk or whose kid colored the dining room wall with lipstick, there's no criticizing a bad grade on a final and there's not ridicule for the one having a slight nervous breakdown because there aren't enough hours in the day or enough money in the bank account. I think these are the reasons that I enjoy this cellular friendship the most. We all have this connection that enables us to relate or to sympathize with any of life's situations and yet not shun each other because it's not the way we might handle a situation.
In a world where everything has to be politically correct or there is a stigma attached if you have an opinion different than someone else, it's nice to have a diverse group of people with different beliefs and ideas about things. I mean heck we even allowed one democrat in the group chat (HA! Just joking). We might not agree with the fact that Kailee is adamant about the innocence of OJ; we might not go along with Rob's reasoning for not helping with the laundry; we might argue with conviction our thoughts on political happenings. However, we also have things that we are, as a whole, on the same page and we scratch our heads at the ones that don't agree with the same sentiments as all of us do. I promise you this though, no matter what the situation is one of use will have a meme for it!

Basically….we are a support group. We are support each other’s dreams, goals, ambitions and ideas. We make someone feel better when one in the group may be having a bad day. We encourage each other. We poke fun at each and we laugh at each other. Most of all, we pray for each other. It's a therapy that we don't have a deductible for and at the end of the day is probably much more therapeutic than an actual leather couch that one might lay on while telling a complete stranger all of the mental issues that one might have. If the truth be told we know our level of crazy and honestly we are okay with it.