Six to Carry You in the End

I think that everyone has someone in their life that inspires them. The inspiration may come in the form of aspiring to have a high paying job and living in a house that is entirely too big for someone to live in. It may be that the inspiration comes from an athlete who has worked his or her way to the top and has broken several records and won several awards. A person may find inspiration in the man or woman who has made changes in their appearance by dieting and working out.

Personally, I find inspiration in those that can rise above the things in life that would normally make a person angry or make them dislike someone. I find motivation to be a better person by observing those that display kindness when it would be so much easier to do the opposite. My dad was one of those people. Kindness was something that he always provided the perfect example of. He was one that turned the other cheek and then would shake your hand the next day or hug your neck as if nothing had happened. He always saw the good in people and that hat is so very hard to do sometimes! 

I remember when he was diagnosed with leukemia. I had a lot of heated conversations with God over that. I could not fathom WHY someone like my dad would receive such a punishment in the form of a terminal disease. He was a good person. I mean genuinely good. This man not only donated to St. Jude's, but every month he received a picture of a child he was sponsoring he would put it in his wallet and proudly show it to people to bring awareness to their situation. This was the man who gave more of his garden harvest away than what he kept. This was the man who picked up random strangers and helped them on their way.
I'll never forget that moment that he told me he had cancer. I sat there in shock for a minute and then my first response was - "Why you?"  His response?  "Why not me?" I said 'Dad, you are such a good person and you do so much good.' He then told me that everyone has good in them and sometimes we just don't look hard enough to find it. He told me that he wasn't more undeserving of this hand that had been dealt to him than anyone else would be.
To my dad his friends were like family and strangers were merely those that he just hadn't gotten a chance to get to know. He taught me more by his actions than by his words. He showed me forgiveness by refusing to fall victim to anger. He showed me Godly love by the way that he would never hesitate to open his wallet to help someone down on their luck. He showed me compassion for others when despite how he felt, he would still help someone who needed a helping hand. He didn't waste the last years of his life by sinking himself into feeling sorry for himself. He took each day and he loved fiercely and did more than just act the role of a kind soul - he displayed it in everything that he did.
My dad always had the best philosophical advice and never hesitated to give it to me, even when I felt I didn't need it. I remember talking to him one time about a friend that had betrayed me and hurt me. His words of wisdom didn't include telling me things like "it's okay Sis karma will get them". Instead he would tell me to forgive them and to be more careful who I trusted. He would then turn that incident into an opportunity to teach me how to be a better friend. He told me once that it didn't matter how many friends in life that I made, what mattered was would I have 6 true friends to carry me at the end? I have carried those words with me through life and thought of them often when I have been hurt, betrayed, let down and disillusioned by those that I thought were my friends. It didn't make me trust any less, but instead made me cherish those true friends even more.
After all, isn't life about those that we count on? Those that we love and feel loved by? It's about the good moments in life; the ones that make you smile. Somewhere along the way we have lost sight of that [or a least a huge majority of us have]. We have social media wars over politics, whether or not we believe in vaccinations, gun control and countless other topics of discussion that are simply not worth sacrificing friendships. We have become a group of people who puts more emphasis on proving a point than simply agreeing to disagree and respecting each other's thoughts.  We have allowed ourselves to become a generation of people who would rather wish karma on someone than to take a moment to pray for them. We have lost our way when it comes to neighborly love, mending fences and showing love and kindness.
I'm not sure what happened that we chartered off course and became a society that slowly has veered away from showing kindness to each other. I'm not sure why we find it so hard to find the good in someone. I don't even know why it's so hard to be a friend to someone who needs one. I am sure though that I wish there were more people like my dad who could share with us the secret to being a better friend, but most of all a better person. 

Helicopter Mom's last flight

When I was growing up my parents made the task of being a parent look so easy. It was pretty much as simple as they had their role as a parent and we had our roles as the kids. Those boundaries simply didn't cross over each other. Whether it was what time we went to bed, what we wore or what we ate for dinner - the decision was made for us and we didn't defy it or else you can only imagine what happened living in a "spare the rod, spoil the child" household.
Mom didn't get involved with our relationships unless we just wanted to talk to her about it. Dad didn't get involved unless 1) we were being mistreated 2) we had the audacity to break curfew or 3) he got a report in the neighborhood or through his friends that we were getting a bad reputation. He would on most occasions not hesitate to tell me "Sis, I think this one is a good one" or "Sis, that boy isn't worth beating with a stick". For the most part he was always right in the end. Regardless, there was a very defined line that we didn't cross over in respect for the other person's thoughts and feelings. He pretty much sat back and let me learn for myself.
When I became a parent I'm not sure what happened to cause me to stray from the path of example that he had laid before me when I was growing up. Fast forwarding ahead to the era of parenthood in my generation there were basically 3 types of parents: Parent A) Lived by the philosophy that making their child(ren) self dependent was the most important thing; Parent B) Those were the ones that were the "helicopter" parents that were involved in everything that their children did...regardless of whether the child wanted them to be involved or not; Parent C) Just pretty much threw their children out there and hoped for the best, but usually ended up with the worst because the children were left feeling like not even their parents cared about them.  I would most definitely classify myself as the "helicopter mom."  I thought that was the way to go. I thought that was the best way to send out my children into the world that would embrace them with open arms. I felt like I needed to be involved in every aspect of their lives. Why?? Well, being a single parent and having to work 2 and 3 jobs it didn't leave a lot of time for fun times with the kids. I missed a lot of bedtime stories, helping with homework and sitting in the living room under a makeshift fort watching a Disney movie. I managed to always be able to attend almost every ballgame because I had understanding bosses, but I missed a lot of the little things.
That's when I became a helicopter mom. I felt like being involved in what I could be involved in meant that I had to overcompensate for the things I missed out on. So at a fairly early time in their lives I dove in head first wanting to know every little thing that they were about what was going on in their lives. I wanted to know about boyfriends, girlfriends, who was so & so dating, what was the latest drama at school....you know what I mean - all the important things in a teenager's life. At that time it didn't seem like I was doing much damage play a dual role as a parent and as a friend. I looked at it as my kids having the best of both worlds; not just a mother, but a super cool mom who cared about what was going on with their friends, who made brownies for everyone and who stayed up late talking about their boyfriends or girlfriends.
I always took the role of being a mother seriously and felt strongly that God had entrusted me with them to not only love them, but to teach them, empower them and as an extra bonus "chill with them".
It wasn't until just recently that I realized that my good intentions of being an "involved" mom may have caused more harm than good. I felt like that if I wanted to be a part of everything in my kids lives then that would show them that I loved them even more than just providing a roof over their heads and food to eat. What I didn't realize that I was doing was embedding in their subconscious that I needed to approve of all of their choices and they had to involve me in their decision making to make me happy as well as themselves. For example the process of finding the one that their heart desired and them feeling the need to take into consideration how I would feel about it. WOW! I did not mean to do that!
Our children don't understand (until they have children of their own) what a mother's viewpoint entails when one of them comes home with a new girl or a new guy by their side. We (I say we, but it may just be me being a little overbearing) at a certain time in our children's lives look at more than things like - is he/she cute? Do they drive a nice car? Are they a star athlete? As a mother we look at things like - will they be good to my son/daughter? Do they go to church? What do they want to do with their lives? Do they want to be a doctor? A lawyer? A professional wrestler? A peace activist?  Do they plan to go to college or at they comfortable with asking 'how do you want your burger?' Being the overbearing "need to be a part of everything" mom has resulted in my children taking into consideration what my feelings are about who they bring to the next holiday dinner. I'm not sure how that happened, but I learned painfully just recently that I should not be a factor in that part of their lives. I guess that was lost in translation in one of the chapters in Parenting 101.
With the desire to be a good parent though should also come the willingness to learn along the way. At 51 years old and with all my children grown you would think that the lesson learning aspect of being a parent would be over. I found out however, that couldn't be further from the truth. I've become a professional helicopter mom over the years and trying to land this helicopter is a lot easier said than done. I have decided though that I have done the best I can the first 18 crucial years of their lives. I hope that along the way that I have helped make them good people. I hope that I have helped shape their minds to make good choices, but with their choices has to come my trust in what they choose.
With that said....what is it that a pilot says upon landing? "Helicopter mom requesting permission to land"...yes, I believe that seems appropriate.