Last week my car broke down. It had been a long time coming I'm certain because everyday there was some symptom that indicated that it was circling the drain. Initially when it happened I just locked myself in the bathroom and cried for what seemed like forever. After I had time to evaluate the situation and think about it I realized that I had overlooked something about the whole thing. While my car was sitting there lifeless at the time I thought about the fact that I have had my 2006 Chevy Cobalt since 2007. It now has 195,000 miles on it and the seats are worn out and it has a few dents and dings. After thinking about the whole ordeal it was easy to look back with retrospect and to see that the end result of a disabled car was not what the big picture was. What was important was that it COULD HAVE broken down as I was driving it and me & whoever else was in the car could have been hurt really bad or killed and that the car has really served it's purpose for a long time with nothing major happening that would have resulted in a mere fortune to fix.
Since all the revelation of positive thinking stirred about in my sometimes feeble mind I have thought a lot about how many times there has been a similar situation in my life involving a person. I thought about how people are so easy to do the same thing that I did with my car. It's so easy to get mad at someone or to get upset over something that is most of the time a simple mistake or something that was said or done wrong. We are so eager to just write that person out of our lives and not even think about the positive things that he or she may have done for us before this mistake happened.
I remember having a talk with my dad one time about someone that had upset me and really hurt my feelings. He listened to my side of the story and then with his [ever so practiced] compassion he responded with a question. He asked me "What do you feel is most important that you remember about this person? Is it all the good times you have had, all the laughter you have shared or is it the hurt that you feel right now?" I didn't even have to answer because it was obviously all over my face what my thoughts were without me saying them out loud. He went on to say "ya see sis if the shoe was on the other foot - you would want them to remember the good not the bad; so you gotta be able to do the same in return."
While a car is just materialistic- I still had to put into perspective that just because it was broke down it didn't mean that I didn't have something to be thankful for. People are so much more important than material things because they have emotions. They are hurt the same as we are and often times one bad thing can make us forget all the good that is in that person or all the good that they have done.
Luckily (or should I say blessed was I and not lucky) my car was fixable for now. So I'm back on the road again running the tires off of it and not even thinking about it breaking down - because obviously that isn't what is important. It's the same with individuals; be thankful for what they have done, don't dwell on them hurting you and when it's all fixed and the damage is repaired - go forward and look ahead...not behind - unless it's something worth looking back on.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Those words once said are like bullets.....
Several years ago I worked with a Chief at the Knox Co Sheriff's Dept. He was one of the wisest people I to this day have ever met. At times he was short and to the point and yet sometimes he turned his thoughts into words that were something that you would carry with you for years to come. I remember one day we were discussing a topic, and although I don't recollect what the conversation was about; something he said has stuck with me for almost 30 years. He made the comment "Words once spoken are like bullets fired - they can never be recalled."
I don't have a lot of talent, but some would say that I have been blessed with a gift of words. At times that is a blessing and at others perhaps a curse. I used to joke and say that I can either make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside or if you push me to the "dark side" I can cut you like a knife with words.
On an occasion from time to time I will have someone tell me "I remember when you told me this and I have never forgotten it." At those moments I hold my breath for a moment and hope that what follows next is that the words were of an encouraging manner more so than a negative aspect. I regretfully have said things to those that I love without thinking and said something hurtful. I am ashamed to say that out of anger with my children over something I have said things that with a broken heart I know made them sad or hurt them. My significant other Patrick can probably attest to the fact that, on more occasions than not, I have been hateful or just down right mean about something. I'm perhaps the worlds worst for not thinking through what the after effects might be before I say something or I don't go by the unnamed rule "count to ten before you speak".
On the exact opposite end of the spectrum from time to time I have given good advice, helpful insight or said just what someone needed to hear. But regardless of scenario I might use as an example it is safe to say that I am quite certain that along the way, whether it be for the better or the worse, I know that some of my words have quite possibly haunted a mind, a heart or a soul long after I have said them.
This week though the shoe was on the other foot. I had something said to me that I have not quite been able to shake. It seems as though the words from this person have repeatedly rang through the sometimes empty hallways of my brain. I was at a local convenient store that I go to quite often. The store switched new ownership a couple years ago and since then I have made it my personal mission to make them have small talk with me when I go in there. FINALLY after several months I got the 2nd shift guy to finally talk back. After my visit though this last time, I'm not sure that by allowing that challenge to become an accomplishment, that I really benefited myself. I didn't realize until that moment that the cliche "silence is golden" really does hold water.
This man (who is from a foreign country) I'm sure didn't mean anything to hurt my feelings or upset me. In fact, I think that he thought he was wording his question how he should. He asked me if I had a sister and when I replied yes, he responded with the question "Is she big like you?" Well now...how do you really take a question like that without knowing instantly that his description of "big" referred to my weight? After all anyone that knows me knows that I quite often when saying I'm 5'3 1/2 emphasize on the "1/2 part" like it makes so much taller than 5'3. Therefore with complete certainty I know the "big" reference had absolutely nothing to do with my height! Those who know me best know that on a daily basis I struggle with a midlife weight gain that probably set some kind of record of the "most weight gained in the shortest period of time."
I cannot for the life of me shake those words and now every time I look at a menu and want to order fries, but I order broccoli instead. While at the moment of the question I literally wanted to crawl under the nearest rack of Frito Lay chips or seek shelter behind the Slim Jim section and then all the way out to my vehicle fought back the tears. That question has now later resulted in fuel to the fire of my desire to lose weight.
I'm sure that had the man known that he drove a stake through my heart that is already overly sensitive about my weight issue that he would have perhaps chosen his words a little differently. Nonetheless the words were said and there was no way of taking them back.
While hurtful as this lesson was, it taught me that choosing the best words is always worth counting to ten before you speak, but most of all it taught me that we take the words that effect us and we can alter the outcome of what those words did to inspire us sometimes to do better or to be a better person.
Hurtful words come in all shapes and sizes. As a speaker we need to learn to word things in a manner that won't cause mental or emotional damage to someone; but as a recipient of those same words it's entirely up to us to use those words as a stumbling block or we can use them as a stepping stone to better ourselves. For me....I won't forget for a very long time those words, and hopefully even longer than that I will always remember the impact that they had and maybe just maybe I will achieve my ultimate goal of being a size 7 again by allowing those words to have a positive influence on me. So if you see me and I'm doing something that will help me achieve this goal that you will know that I'm being encouraged by words that could have destroyed me, but instead made me stronger.
I don't have a lot of talent, but some would say that I have been blessed with a gift of words. At times that is a blessing and at others perhaps a curse. I used to joke and say that I can either make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside or if you push me to the "dark side" I can cut you like a knife with words.
On an occasion from time to time I will have someone tell me "I remember when you told me this and I have never forgotten it." At those moments I hold my breath for a moment and hope that what follows next is that the words were of an encouraging manner more so than a negative aspect. I regretfully have said things to those that I love without thinking and said something hurtful. I am ashamed to say that out of anger with my children over something I have said things that with a broken heart I know made them sad or hurt them. My significant other Patrick can probably attest to the fact that, on more occasions than not, I have been hateful or just down right mean about something. I'm perhaps the worlds worst for not thinking through what the after effects might be before I say something or I don't go by the unnamed rule "count to ten before you speak".
On the exact opposite end of the spectrum from time to time I have given good advice, helpful insight or said just what someone needed to hear. But regardless of scenario I might use as an example it is safe to say that I am quite certain that along the way, whether it be for the better or the worse, I know that some of my words have quite possibly haunted a mind, a heart or a soul long after I have said them.
This week though the shoe was on the other foot. I had something said to me that I have not quite been able to shake. It seems as though the words from this person have repeatedly rang through the sometimes empty hallways of my brain. I was at a local convenient store that I go to quite often. The store switched new ownership a couple years ago and since then I have made it my personal mission to make them have small talk with me when I go in there. FINALLY after several months I got the 2nd shift guy to finally talk back. After my visit though this last time, I'm not sure that by allowing that challenge to become an accomplishment, that I really benefited myself. I didn't realize until that moment that the cliche "silence is golden" really does hold water.
This man (who is from a foreign country) I'm sure didn't mean anything to hurt my feelings or upset me. In fact, I think that he thought he was wording his question how he should. He asked me if I had a sister and when I replied yes, he responded with the question "Is she big like you?" Well now...how do you really take a question like that without knowing instantly that his description of "big" referred to my weight? After all anyone that knows me knows that I quite often when saying I'm 5'3 1/2 emphasize on the "1/2 part" like it makes so much taller than 5'3. Therefore with complete certainty I know the "big" reference had absolutely nothing to do with my height! Those who know me best know that on a daily basis I struggle with a midlife weight gain that probably set some kind of record of the "most weight gained in the shortest period of time."
I cannot for the life of me shake those words and now every time I look at a menu and want to order fries, but I order broccoli instead. While at the moment of the question I literally wanted to crawl under the nearest rack of Frito Lay chips or seek shelter behind the Slim Jim section and then all the way out to my vehicle fought back the tears. That question has now later resulted in fuel to the fire of my desire to lose weight.
I'm sure that had the man known that he drove a stake through my heart that is already overly sensitive about my weight issue that he would have perhaps chosen his words a little differently. Nonetheless the words were said and there was no way of taking them back.
While hurtful as this lesson was, it taught me that choosing the best words is always worth counting to ten before you speak, but most of all it taught me that we take the words that effect us and we can alter the outcome of what those words did to inspire us sometimes to do better or to be a better person.
Hurtful words come in all shapes and sizes. As a speaker we need to learn to word things in a manner that won't cause mental or emotional damage to someone; but as a recipient of those same words it's entirely up to us to use those words as a stumbling block or we can use them as a stepping stone to better ourselves. For me....I won't forget for a very long time those words, and hopefully even longer than that I will always remember the impact that they had and maybe just maybe I will achieve my ultimate goal of being a size 7 again by allowing those words to have a positive influence on me. So if you see me and I'm doing something that will help me achieve this goal that you will know that I'm being encouraged by words that could have destroyed me, but instead made me stronger.
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